Reposting my old article about the movie, ‘Finding Dory’

Hi… It’s been more than a year since my last post in this blog. It wasn’t really that I stopped blogging since last year. What happened is that, I purchased a hosting service in siteground for 1 year and when it’s about to expire on March of this year, I decided not to renew my subscription anymore for a number of reasons.

Firstly, it is an expense to pay a hosting service every year when you don’t really need a hosting service. For someone like me who has a full time job and only does blogging as a hobby and an outlet of my thoughts, I learned that it is not advisable to to buy hosting service and a free domain is perfectly alright.

Secondly, I am receiving a lot of spam comments everyday when I had my blog hosted and I am not happy about that. Receiving spam comments rarely happen in my free wordpress blog.

Thirdly, the most important reason is that I do not want to think of an end goal of earning money as the purpose for blogging. I want to go back to the very reason why I created this blog 9 years ago, I was a fresh graduate then and so naive about the real world. I wanted to express my thoughts into words, to inspire myself and others who will stumble in my blog and to share my experiences and learnings about my life.

All the posts I’ve written when I had my blog hosted were gone when I did not renew the hosting from siteground. I can actually retain the posts however, I am not a techy person, I tried but it is too complicated for me. I don’t want to be stressed out anymore that’s why I just let go. Anyway, I have a copy of the articles because everytime I post in my blog, a copy is sent to my e-mail. Hence, I don’t have blog posts for more than a year because they were gone when I did not renew the hosting.

Life update…

There’s a big change that is gonna happen in my life and I will be sharing it with you, my readers, soon. For the meantime, I want to post the article that I’ve written on June 2016 about the movie, Finding Dory. I made this article for one website but upon searching online, I couldn’t find the website anymore.

I’m very happy with how this article had turned out to be. I have not written in the past few months and to be honest, I really miss blogging. The authentic and vulnerable posts about pursuing my dreams, the experiences and lessons in my life that I am sharing here are the things that I look forward to doing again soon.

I realised that no matter where life takes us, we should never lose sight of our real self and who we really are as a person, our inner dreams when we were young. I will be sharing more about this in the future blogs.

For now, here is my realisation about watching the movie, ‘Finding Dory’ back in 2016.

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Finding Dory is the funniest ocean adventure ever

 

Finding Dory

 

Pixar Animation Studios released their new animated movie that upholds to the values that they have always instill in every movie they create. The latest is Finding Dory released in the Philippines on June 16, which is a sequel from the animated movie 13 years ago, Finding Nemo. I watched the movie yesterday with my very good friend who’s also a Disney Pixar fan, Maj. I have come to love all the Pixar movies ever since watching Inside Out and it hit me so hard. It is one of the best movies I have watched in my life. It’s perfect. Because of that, I got interested with all the movies released before and still to be released in the future by Pixar Animation Studios. If Inside Out was a tear-jerker, Finding Dory is a feel-good movie, you will have a great laugh with your company and with other people in the cinema, but the values taught are still there. I can categorize it as more of a comedy with deep sense and meaning.

Pixar always starts every movie with the essence of family love, there is a mother and a father together with their child. It was shown early in the movie that Dory has a condition that made her forget short term memories. And her parents, with patience and love for Dory, has taught her to stand on her own if ever the time comes that she will get lost or be left on her own. I got emotional at the near end when after all the years when Dory got lost, her parents didn’t give up the idea that one day, Dory will be able to find her way home  which was the result of their effort of teaching her when she was still young.

I love Dory and all other characters. Here are the characters to watch out for aside from Nemo and his father Marlin. There’s the octopus named Hank, find out his role and the life that was added in the story because of him, the whale shark named Destiny, she’s so funny. In this movie, the members of the marine diversity are the lead characters, and the humans are somehow the antagonists as they invade the natural habitat of these marine creatures. I have realized in this movie that the fishes and other marine creatures have their own lives too. They have their own family, home, friends and the presence and need of other creatures to be able to live. It has exactly been the same for all of us humans.

One of my favorite scenes is the conversation between Dory and his octopus friend, Hank. It goes something like this, “I don’t like planning. It was not in my plan to get lost, and it was not in my plan to meet you. But we met, and I think it was not a coincidence. It happens for a reason.” That is so true because no matter how great we plan our lives are, sometimes, life doesn’t go the way we plan it to be. I realized to just be spontaneous, act and do what has to be done at the moment. To be in the moment.

The funny thing after watching the movie is that, of course, my friend and I had great smiles on our faces, and we started talking about other Pixar films and its co-founder Steve Jobs. We admire him a lot, because he did share the wonderful lessons he had learned in life from his younger days. We were still sitting in the movie house and didn’t realize that we were the only two left and the cinema personnel were already looking at us, still figuring out why we haven’t stood up from our seats. We got caught up with our conversation.

It is a feel good movie and my friend and I really recommend it for everyone to watch.

Sage & Thyme: Listening and Responding to People Who are Worried

Have you ever encountered seeing or talking to a person who is worried? Surely, we are familiar with the phrase, “Don’t worry. Everything’s gonna be fine.” But is this really the appropriate thing to say? I want to share what I learned in Sage & Thyme Foundation Level Workshop: Listening and responding to people who are worried and distressed.

I voluntarily attended this workshop because I can see the strong need for me, as a health care professional to develop my communication skills as I am dealing with distressed patients and family members all the time. As a nurse working in a respiratory ward for more than a year, I have dealt with this situation multiple times and it’s hard to think of the right thing to say to address the concerns. With our busy day in the ward, giving medications, positioning our patients, doing the nursing care, etc., how can we actually provide therapeutic communications to our patients?

There is a flyer I saw in our ward’s staff room regarding this workshop. I told myself, “I want to attend.” I approached one of the Palliative Care Nurses visiting our ward, told her I am interested in attending the workshop however I cannot find the email address of the secretary to book my place. She then took my NHS email address and said she will leave the note on the secretary’s desk. And after 2 hours, I received an email from Paula and informed me that there is 1 slot left for the semuinar. Hmm.. I told myself this must have been for me. So I replied that I would be pleased to attend the seminar.

The entire seminar was facilitated by Sally Parr, a consultant for Cancer Support. She was very good in explaining why communication skills matter because it influences patient’s emotional health, symptom resolution function and physiological measures and decreased reported pain and drug usage.

So why Sage and Thyme? I was also curious. In the seminar I found out that Sage and Thyme is an acronym for the model which stands for…

S- Setting : If you notice concern- create some privacy- sit down

A- Ask : “Can I ask what you are concerned about?”

G- Gather: Gather all concerns – not just the first few

E- Empathy: Respond sensitively- “You have a lot on your mind”

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T- Talk: “Who do you have to talk to or to support you?”

H- Help: “How do they help?”

Y- You: “What do YOU think would help?”

M- Me: “Is there something you would like ME to do?”

E- End: Summarise and close – “Can we leave it there?”

According to Thora, a Palliative Care Nurse, who facilitates the discussion in our group, this model is evidence based and it has been proven effective with clinical research. Depending on the situation, it doesn’t mean that we have to use the whole model all the time. She said we may skip some, but the core thing is to empower the person who is distressed by allowing him to decide what he thinks should be the best decision. We should always seek the patient’s own solutions. This means that we empower and equip individual to recognise and manage their psychological distress. It is more about You (pertaining to the other person) and not Me (meaning myself). She also said that somehow, this lifts the burden in us, health care professionals, that we cannot always and all the time solve our patient’s problems, pain and struggles. We are not a superhero to solve these things and we can only do so much. One more thing that I really like about this model is the fact that whenever we are talking to a distressed individual, it is not always about giving advice. Sometimes, what they need is someone who empathises with them, understands them and listens to them without any judgement. The most important thing is holding back with advice and only make supportive comments. Listening to them means not having to fix or give advice to the other person because this is disempowering.

Saying “Don’t worry. Everything will be alright” is not therapeutic because the truth is, the other person is worried, saying this means you are shutting down the individual.

It happens to me, when I was thinking about my future plans, and that person I talked to gave an advice and negative comments on the situations, and I realized it’s not helping because me and that person have different views and opinions about what really matters in life. I was thinking, I just want to express my thoughts about the situation, I do not need an advice I just want someone to listen. So, I just shrug the negative comments off and ended our conversation.

In my everyday work in the ward, I cannot always run the whole model if a relative or patient has to speak to me because the ward that I permanently work is really busy, but what I will do is to apply the core of the model.

I realized this is not only applicable to my work as a health care professional in the hospital but this is extremely helpful as well when talking to a friend, a colleague, a family member who has a problem or to myself.

I believe in this model that’s why I am sharing it in my blog. To know more about Sage and Thyme, you may visit http://www.sageandthymetraining.org.uk

Pinky Promise

According to Wikipedia, pinky promise is the entwining of the pinkies of two people to signify that a promise has been made.

February 14, 2018, one of the most special days that happened in my life so far. I want to share what happened on that day on my blog so that I can remember and look back to it years from now. It is Valentine’s day in the Philippines, the day of the lovers and it only happens once a year.

It was my first time celebrating Valentine’s day with a boyfriend. Last year, I was in London so Ryan and I had a video call on this special day. When I went home on October last year, I found out that usually Ryan spent this day on his own at work when he was still single that’s why I promised him that he’s never gonna experience Valentine’s day alone again. I have another 4 weeks annual leave at work that’s why my ward manager booked it on the middle of January to February. But the unexpected happened before Christmas, Ryan and I broke up. I was thinking if I would still push through going home to the Philippines or just cancel my flight and work on my annual leave and start the moving on process. The thing with the right love at the wrong time relationship is that I am certain that we have the right kind of love, he’s the right person for me but the timing isn’t in favour for us. I am just starting to build my career here in UK and he is ready for us to get married. So the timing isn’t right. And I felt in my heart that it is not a valid reason to break up, that’s why I fought for our relationship. I know in my heart that he’s The One. It’s the long distance relationship that we found really hard to manage that challenged our relationship. I was thinking, we are two people from the opposite part of the world loving each other, we are not hurting other people, he makes me a better person, so why give up? I have watched a lot of Youtube videos and read hundreds of articles on google about breaking up, moving on, etc. but the real decision still comes from me. Other people’s situation is different from mine and every love story is unique. So after realizing this, I let go of my pride. The first few weeks when I was in Manila, we were already seeing each other and nothing has changed. The stories, the smiles, the giggles, the laughters, the sweet gestures, the comfort and safety that he makes me feel every time we’re together were still there.

February 14, Valentine’s day is also Ash Wednesday in the Philippines. We definitely want to spend this special day together. I asked him if we can also attend the mass before our scheduled dinner. So we decided to attend the mass in Quiapo Church at 8pm. When he arrived in the church, he has a bouquet of flowers in his hands. I saw him from a distance and waved my hands from the crowd. When he came, he handed me the bouquet of flowers and sweetly kissed my left cheek. We sat in the vacant chair inside the church and held hands. As always, he gave me the feeling of butterflies in my stomach. These are the moments that we don’t get to do in a long distance relationship, not being physically present for one another in the special occasions. The time apart fuels the excitement, the yearning and the love that are already there. After the mass, at quarter passed 9pm we ride a taxi and went to Pan Pacific Hotel for the dinner. It was a very romantic French dinner with violin playing on the side with love songs like “A thousand years”. It was candlelight, formal, on the 21st floor of the hotel overlooking the city of Manila. It was my first time to experience this whole romantic dinner on Valentine’s day. Seeing his face on the opposite side of the table, I just can’t believe it’s happening and I have the love of my life right in front of me. After we have settled in the table, he gestured a pinky swear or a pinky promise. We made a pinky promise not to break up anymore and that’s how we officially got back together. That moment, my heart was filled with overflowing love and adoration for the man in front of me. According to the author Mandy Hale, love is not suppose to be lukewarm, it is supposed to be boundary breaking and earth shaking.

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At 12 midnight, we left the restaurant and went down to the hotel’s lobby. We have a lot of things to talk about because it is only rare that we get to talk side by side because indeed, we are in a long distance relationship. We ordered coffee and talked until 4am about our future plans. At 5am, we left the lobby and went to Jollibee to eat breakfast. After that, Ryan planned for us to watch sunrise in Manila Bay because I love the view of sunset, so this time, we will see the sun rise. Our back were facing Manila Bay because the sunrise happens in the east and the sun sets in the west which is the side of the Manila bay. Everything becomes special when you are with the one you love. No matter what activities you are doing or places the two of you are in right now, it is true that the best place on earth is beside the one you love.

February 16, 2018, 6am is my flight back to London. The day before that, I went to Robinson’s mall to buy some goodies and pasalubong to my friends in London. On my way home, while riding the jeepney, my heart was breaking and I could not stop my tears from falling because I had to leave again. In leaving my family and Ryan here in the Philippines, I tried to question life on why can’t I marry the man I love in anytime I want. When I arrived at home from Robinson’s mall, I was alone in my room and I burst into tears because I have the man I love, he wants to marry me and I want to marry him but I cannot do that yet because I still have to go back to London for work. I am already 29 years old and I am at the right age to get married, so why can’t I do that? This indeed was my struggle before. I even told myself that good for my friends here in the Philippines because they can marry their boyfriends or girlfriends anytime they want. I know this struggle of mine is nothing compared to the problems that others are experiencing. But for me, no matter how big or small our struggle is, it is still a reality of life and I learned to trust my struggle because it means that life is teaching me something, a lesson probably. I don’t know what that is, I just have to let go and see what happens. In every phase of our life, we will face a challenge.

This led me to a quote in my head about waiting. And that is, “Anything worth having is truly worthy waiting.” There is a time for everything. I have to wait for the right time for us to get married. Because it is also me who set the standards that, in the future when I get married, I promise myself that me and my future husband should be together after the wedding. I will be back. I will come home for good, definitely. But I need to wait for the right time. While waiting, I will study, acquire experiences, get myself ready and sufficient for when the times comes that I have to go back to the Philippines to settle for good, I am mentally, emotionally, physically and financially  ready and equipped to use my learnings in London to build a better life in the Philippines. I believe in my heart that there’s a lot of opportunities in my country. I will improve myself, build my confidence through speaking and remove my naivety that I still have even though I am already approaching my 30s. I know I have a lot of potentials, I just have to develop them and push myself to believe in myself.

I also need to remind myself when I’m feeling sad and homesick, “Think of what London and UK can offer you. It can be new and exciting experiences, it can be different insights about life you will acquire after travelling, it can be professional growth and expertise. There are hundreds of reasons to love what I do now and appreciate where I am right now.” Living independently to a different city teaches me to be more responsible knowing that I have the total liberty, enough money, freedom, unlimited and fast internet connection, exposure to good looking men and women, and with all these, it is knowing how to take responsibility for myself, sticking to my values and stopping myself from being tempted to these life traps. Keeping in mind I am committed and there is one person on the other side of the world who’s waiting for me. After all, Ryan’s still the cutest, funniest and the most handsome man I have ever met in my life.

What will I do with the opportunity handed to me? I know I should use this to help and inspire others who are also dreaming in the small town, urban area or in their dark room at night. I have told myself, I don’t want to change. Living in a first world city, living a good life, sometimes it is inevitable to want to keep up with the trend and lifestyle. But I want to keep the simplicity in me.

That is my Pinky Promise. Before this, I have only done pinky promises when I was young. But looking back, these were the most honest, most sincere and most innocent promises we can ever give.

Watching “Zippos Circus”

 

After coming back from a vacation in the Philippines, I have told myself to be dedicated again to blogging because as an introvert, expressing myself through writing gives me so much joy. There are 3 things I bought in the store today to jumpstart blogging and they are: AA battery, extension cord, and light bulb. Yes, these are the 3 stuff that completed this going-back-to-blogging plan. I needed a AA battery to be used for my wireless mouse so that I can navigate the pointer easily. The light bulb is for the lamp that I requested from our exchange gift last Christmas. I needed a bedside lamp because if I am only using the ceiling light from my room, what happens is that whenever I study or write, I would always get sleepy because it is so dim. With the bedside lamp, it creates additional brightness making the environment conducive to writing. The extension cord is to be used to plug my bedside lamp. So, that’s it. Because of these 3 things, I am now back to blogging.

This is a very late post as this happened in June 2017. My first-time experience watching a circus has always been a topic I’d really want to share here on my blog.

When I was young, I used to watched cartoons on TV every morning on ABS-CBN channel 2. It was the time when I was still young and only need to attend the school in the afternoon so I usually watched TV in the morning. I stayed in our home in the province with my mother (my father was working abroad) and 2 younger brothers while 3 of my older siblings went to school. I remember watching the cartoons “The Dog of Flanders” and “Remi”. I can’t remember which one was it but one or few episodes was about a circus. That image still I can remember. From then on, I knew I wanted to see a real circus. So when I saw a flyer about Zippos Circus coming to Kingston Upon Thames for series of shows,  I asked my friend if she wanted to see the circus with me. She didn’t think twice and happily came with me.

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When we arrived, we saw a big tent that was set up in the Fairfield Recreational Park, my favourite part of town. There were a lot of trucks because that’s what the Zippos Circus do, they travel to different towns across the UK to perform. They stay in a specific place for a week and after the show, they move to another town. I thought this circus is exactly what I watched in the cartoons when I was young.

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Happy Vibe!

When we arrived, the circus was already starting. And the moment we stepped inside the tent, I’ve already felt the happy vibe and the feeling of being child and young at heart. Well, I’m still young but what I am saying is the feeling of being a 5-year-old watching and being amazed at acrobats, stunts, etc.

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We saw a popcorn and cotton candy stand. My friend and I looked at each other and laughed. We knew right away that we wanted to buy these kiddie snacks. So we bought 1 popcorn and  1 cotton candy and we shared. When we were taking pictures of our cotton candy, the circus host popped in to join. Haha. He also performed with birds doing tricks like basketball. Looking at him, it’s evident that he had been in a circus for most of his life.

Then we sat on our allotted seat, we were escorted inside by the member of the security. The show was very organized from the time we bought our ticket until the end of the show and when going out of the venue. A circus is indeed a happy place. I was there at the venue with a big smile on my face, being entertained and feeling the joy of a child. As what the circus host said after the show, “You are never too old to enjoy a circus.”

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This is one of the activities here in the UK that gave real joy in my life and a big smile on my face, a must watch show and a must have experience.

 

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A Conversation With An Uber Driver

I arrived back on UK on February 16 from a 1 month holiday in the Philippines. This vacation was very productive. I was able to spend most of the time with my family, my father had an elective surgery and stayed with him during the confinement, met my high school friend, went for a trip to Iloilo, and most especially, Ryan and I were able to talk and we got back together on Valentine’s day. I realized that no matter what our differences are and the challenges our relationship are facing, I am willing to fight for our relationship because I love him.It was a total of 16-hour flight duration with Cathay Pacific from Manila to Hong Kong followed by a connecting flight from Hong Kong to London. It was very smooth from take off to landing and as much as I can remember, there was no turbulence throughout the whole flight. I arrived in London Healthrow airport at around 15.00 of February 16 and waited for more than an hour in the immigration because of the long queue. After getting my luggage, I booked for an uber to take me home to my flat in Kingston.

I had a very interesting conversation with the Uber driver during the whole trip. His name is Gershom from the country, Uganda. I learned from him that Uganda was a former British colony. He came in the country 16 years ago to work to support his family in Uganda. He is already on his 50s. He shared with me the hardships that he had to face and endure when he first set foot in the UK. He said there is no reason for him to bring his children to UK because he doesn’t want them to experience the hardships that he had gone through in the past. He was just working and working and couldn’t go home to Uganda because of the immigration policy to remain in the country so that he can continue to provide the needs of his family. By the grace of God, his two daughters had already finished college and are now working. He is planning to go back to Uganda this year to be with his family and settle in his home country for good. He said that everything is not about the money. His advice to me is not to lose my culture with the culture in the country where I am right now. He said that if you lose your culture, you are dead. You don’t have soul anymore. It was like, he is pertaining about the good values that is innate with us. Sometimes, what happens is that when we start to earn more, even if we are in denial, we also change and we may think highly of ourselves. This is a reminder to stay humble.

He also gave me wonderful advice about relationships. He said that being in a relationship will never become easy. Definitely, there will be trying times, multiple throughout our whole lifetime. If you are able to surpass one trial, then you’ve succeeded, but expect that you will encounter few more challenges in the future. That is one of the realities of life. He also told me not to give up if I experience problems in the relationship. Being in a long distance relationship is already a challenge. He said that I should be willing to fight for it if I really love the person. He gave me tips on how to make the other person feel loved even though we are far from each other such as calling just to say good morning and good night and no need for a long conversation, just make the person feel that you think of him. At the end of the trip, I shook his hand and thanked him for all the life lessons that he had shared with me. It can be that life is telling me something because Gershom is the 4th uber driver that appeared and I do not know why the first three bookings were dropped.

I had been constantly praying to give me wisdom with every decision that I will be making. Oftentimes, I do not know what decision to make because of too much noise from my head, my heart and from the people around me. What I have been constantly praying and asking is to hear His voice for me to be directed in the right path.

 

Purposeful 2018

Words to live by

Hello 2018! New year is all about setting up new goals for ourselves, may it be financial, travel, relationship or family. But before I dive in to the new year, first I wanna look back on my 2017.

I am forever grateful for the opportunity to be a UKRN and work as a staff nurse in a hospital in London. Being independent and living in a different continent and country is unimaginable. Working in the UK is not just about travels and dream job. It sums up hardwork. If people only know what we have to endure at work. This does not reflect what people see in the posted pictures in Facebook and Instagram. So looking back…

What went well this year?

  1. I passed the examination to be enlisted in the register of qualified nurses in the UK on July 2017. Technically, now I am a registered nurse in the UK.
  2. I was able to adapt (and still learning)  in my new role as a nurse in the respiratory ward where I am permanent staff. I can honestly say that I do not fear or drag myself whenever I go to work unlike the feeling that I usually get for my shifts in the hospital in the Philippines. Which leads me to the next…
  3. I am more confident of myself, of who I am as a person and what I can do and at work in terms of my nursing skills, etc. This is not being complacent, I know I still have a lot of things to learn but in terms of my self worth, I am now certain that I am enough. Less are the times that I doubt myself.
  4. I was able to travel more. I went home to the Philippines on my own on October, traveled  to some parts of the UK (Greenwich, Brighton, Kent, Southampton, Stonehenge, Bath) and my first Euro tour in France on December. Traveling opens up my eyes to a lot of things this world has to offer. Amidst the negativity that we see in the news, this experience amazes me to the extent. I am able to see the true beauty of this world.
  5. The opportunity to love and be loved romantically. I know this sounds cheesy, but Ryan is my first boyfriend. Sounds childish but before, I thought that being in a relationship is like a fairy tale. But now I realizes that it is not an altogether happy and loving times with the one you love. This entails patience, hardwork and understanding.
  6. I was able to start investing (not on disposable things), but mainly for my future. I have started paying for the downpayment of the townhouse that I bought. (This is the decision that scares me the most but the bravest one as well. I just took the leap of faith and trusted my instict.) I have an affinity to the thought of having my own house, from buying the furnitures to decorating to moving in, home is one of my excitements in life, one of the things that I look forward to. Having a house of my own is one of my dreams. The goal I am dreaming to achieve by working in the UK. I have also invested in the stock market from a percentage in my salary. I have decided to continue paying for my SSS contribution as an OFW. The premium is a bit expensive for OFWs because there’s no employer who pays the half of the premium unlike when we were still working in the Philippines.  Little by little, I am able to save. This becomes possible by doing bank shifts or ‘OT’ (overtime) at work.

What didn’t go well?

  1. I forgot my passion. For the past year, I dedicated the majority of my time working in the hospital that I set aside my hobbies and leisure activities. These were the activities I did to keep me sane when I had a very toxic work in the Philippines. These are blogging, going to the gym, attending self help workshops, serving in the community and church and reading self help books. Somewhere a long the way, I lost myself. I am not saying that nursing is not my passion. Being a nurse is my bread and butter and I love the work that I do. I think the correct term is, I thought I have lost my purpose. There were days where I don’t get excited to get up from the bed. I have lost the enthusiasm. The ‘me’ who loves to read self help books and Cosmo magazines before to get inspired. After reading, I am left nothing but with a burning desire in my heart.
  2. Since coming in the UK, I have missed a lot of important life events, like Christmas, New Year, birthdays, weddings of my friends, reunions and get together. It made me sad not to be able to share these events with my loved ones. But given this situation, whenever I feel sad, I just remind myself the very reason why I am here. There are things that I cannot control like living away from my loved ones. To be honest, I have lost contact with some of my friends. What I can control is going home whenever it’s possible. Which is exactly what I plan to do. Whenever I have annual leave, I made sure to go home and spend it with the people I love.
  3. My bf and I broke up before Christmas, though we’re still hurting, I am taking this break to reflect, to get to know myself even more and evaluating what I learned in this relationship to help me become a better person.

And lastly, what did I learn about myself?

  1. I learned that I am capable of loving and being loved in return and that everyone deserves this magical thing. I remember the quote of the priest about love in the workshop I have attended before. “Don’t forget to love fully, freely, faithfully and fruitfully.”
  2. Following my heart and trusting my guts and instinct because most of the time they are true. I have learned to trust life and let go of all my worries.
  3. I am keen to listen from other people’s advice because I know I can learn from them. Listening is learning.
  4. I have accepted myself that I am an introvert and not the life of a party. I am more of a listener than a speaker. This is uniquely me, I am enough.

Inspiration from this blog post came after watching Bianca Gonzalez’s vlog with guest, Arriane Serafico of ‘The Purposeful Creative’.

My theme for this year is #Purposeful2018. As me, living each day with a purpose.

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How do I start all over again? Just like blogging, I am starting to live life again on my own terms. By the way, you will see me blogging again more frequently. I thought before that writing is my passion. But I have learned from Francis Kong (through Bianca Gonzales’ vlog) that hard work equates passion. If you are willing to work hard enough for something that you want, then you are passionate about it.

I know I am passionate about my relationship, I did my best but maybe it’s not enough. I am starting to live my life before I met him and rebuilding my future again. I have a lot of things supposedly that I wanna do with him like traveling. He also told me that he has wonder future plans ahead for both of us.

This was my plan before. (I shouldn’t be looking back but this is the only way I can move forward). I’ll finish my 3-year contract here in London then go home in the Philippines to marry the love of my life. By that time, I have already finished paying the downpayment in the townhouse that I bought for us. We can then move in there after the wedding. He will continue paying the monthly amortization because in the meantime I will become a housewife after the wedding. The townhouse is my dream home for my future family. The subdivision has a clubhouse with a swimming pool, a park where we can jog every morning as I want to influence him to have an active lifestyle for health reasons. Then we will have 2 children, and we will live happily ever after. I thought that will be my love story. He was my first boyfriend. Before entering into a relationship, I thought everything will be smooth sailing; we will get through this thing called long distance relationship; I will make sure that we are happy and loving with each other all the time. Well, it’s not. Apparently, the expectation is different from reality. It’s an endless effort to try to be the best person for each other. When you know you have bad days when you are negative about life, when you are tired, when you feel unattractive and unloved. You expect that person to carry you through those times, to understand what you’re going through.

My future belongs to him. He is my future. Now how do I start to build my future without him in it? Should I still go back in the Philippines or stay in London. I don’t know. And I don’t want to think about that yet. I want to be in the present. To be honest, I just wanna go with the flow right now. I feel so weak to go against the current waves of my life. My mind is so clouded with what-ifs, with what to do, etc. Of how can I get over this. Just like before, I found solace in writing. I might probably pour all my heart and emotions through writing again.

My message to self:

You’ve said this before if it’s meant to be, it will happen. Everything happens for a reason. You cannot control things. And what’s admirable about you is that you did your best. Remembering the fourth agreement in the book of  Don Miguel Ruiz ‘The Four Agreements’, he said ‘Always do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.’ I can honestly say, I did my best. I have no regrets in all this. I am thankful to him for loving me and he is grateful to me for that as well.

It’s scary to be authentic about my emotions and situation. This is me showing vulnerability. But knowing that breakup is normal and everyone goes through this phase in life makes it easier for me to open up.

P.S. I took the photo from above in our house in Nueva Ecija. The quote that I remember from Star Wars: The Last Jedi sums up this photo and the feeling that I have now.

“Hope is like the sun. If you only believe it when you see it you’ll never make it through the night.”