All I’m Dreaming Of

I still can’t believe everything that is happening to me now. Whenever I see London road signages, I keep asking myself “Is this really happening? Am I really in London?” It’s been more than 6 months when I arrived here to work and up until now, I feel like I’m still in cloud 9. It seems like I’m still dreaming.

I love walking in the streets of Kingston Upon Thames specially during this Spring time because of the green surroundings. The nature is in full bloom. This is my first time to witness four seasons and realized that each season offers something new and different. They all teach me lessons about life. Kingston library is located in Fairfield road. This road is my haven, my favorite place in town because of the establishments that are within the area such as the Kingfisher Leisure Centre (gym, swimming pool, children’s playground), Fairfield Recreational Ground (where anyone can play football, jog, have a picnic, train and play with your dogs and pets. Within the next two days, a circus will be held in this area. Oh how excited I am! This is an authentic circus show. The one I only watched in TV when I was young. I imagine for the show to have lions, acrobats, performers crossing a rope, unicycle, etc. There’s also the Kingston Museum, when I visited it before, I’ve learned the history and seen the images of Kingston before the civilisation, the paintings of the establishments and the clothings at that time. And of course, the reason why I am in Fairfield Road, the Kingston Libary. I went there to study for my exam because if I did it in my room, i will be tempted to sleep. When I sat in the chair inside the library with all other students and young professionals quietly studying, I can’t help but smile and reflect in that moment. I just feel so grateful that I was given this opportunity to work and live in London. Everything that I imagined doing and learning is in here. They have a lot of things to offer. I found classes on creative writing, digital photography, flower arrangement, European language, cooking, baking, gardening etc. They have this libary where I can study, borrow books that range from English novels, fiction and non fiction, biography, health, arts, cooking, history, IT, gardening. As I was tempted to check these books, I stopped and reminded myself what I was there for, which is to study for my exam. Then I smiled because I am grateful for all these. These are what makes me happy and interested in life. (Plus I have a loving boyfriend back home). That I want to learn more. I want to grow. I want to acquire skills. I want to improve because I believe that there’s a lot more I can offer. 

On the way to Kingston Library

My wide imagination was working. I could imagine anything while smiling. But I ditched that thinking because for now, my focus is on my examination and in passing it. Working and living abroad is definitely not easy, there are challenges but with all these, I am grateful.

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“Dear Zindagi” Movie Message

I just finished watching the Indian film, “Dear Zindagi” (Dear Life). And again, i was captivated by the profound message. This is another favorite of mine aside from The 3 Idiots. The movie is about the story of a young cinematographer Kaira and her realization of letting go of the past hurts to finding real happiness. At the beginning of the story, Kaira is seen as a difficult person to deal with and a happy-go-lucky lady who’s having a hard time committing to men. As such, it is evident that deep inside her was a broken woman who’s in denial that there is something wrong with her emotions until she met the Psychologist, “Brain doctor”, Jug. 

In the sessions with Jug, Kaira realized she had to be honest with herself regarding the hurt that she had kept eversince she was young. The turning point is this message of Jug to Kaira, “Do not let the past blackmail your present to ruin a beautiful future.” And for the first time in her life, she felt free. She let go of the baggage and mend the relationship with her parents. 

Another point given in the story is not to care about other people’s opinion about us because sometimes, that’s one of our biggest fears and source of insecurities.

Alia Bhatt has played the role of Kaira very effectively, stubborn at the beginning and finally carefree in the end. She was beautiful in every scene and I love all the clothes she wore, very casual and at the same time sexy (but not daring). This is one of the movies that will make you ponder that life is not complicated, we just complicate things. If you’re feeling lost, in a quarter-life crisis, feeling stuck, you will surely learn lessons in this movie that you can apply in the everyday uncertainties of life.

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2016: Best Year So Far

Whenever a new year is approaching, I always wish, hope and pray that in the upcoming year,  I will be able to achieve my greatest dream. The year 2016, I have achieved my greatest dream and that is meeting the love of my life, my boyfriend Ryan. How did i fall for Ryan? Hmmm… Maybe it started after us watching the movie “Barcelona” in Mall of Asia. We had the semi-holding hands moment when I was about to ride the bus. We had to say goodbye and the most casual way to do it is to hold hands. I had a feeling that I was starting to like him at that time.

The following week, his brother (which is my blogger friend) invited me and Ryan to accompany him in the formal event E-Bloggers Ball in City of Dreams. At first, i really don’t want to attend because I was so lazy to make an effort to dress up formally. My friend tried to convince me to go with them even if I keep on telling him “No.” What made me say yes is because… I want to see and be with Ryan. So i dressed up, I wore a black cocktail dress, silver high heels and did my own make up and hair. 

It was his first time to see me in a formal look. I was a little bit shy but with his full smile when he saw me, it made me think I must have looked great that night for him. He hold my hand but I removed it to grab his left arm while walking. We seated together and laughed a lot with the taste of food that were served. We talked, told me his parents want to meet me as he kept on telling them about me. Seeing a lot of beautiful and glamorous ladies in the event, he looked at me and told me that he likes a simple lady like me. I don’t know how to respond and then just smiled at him and with what he said. After the event, we headed to the taxi bay and he hold my hands, i just allowed him to do that  and that was the start of us holding hands together. He chose a trustworthy looking driver to send me home. He opened the door of the taxi and gave me a sweet peck on the cheek. When i was inside the taxi, my heart was pounding. I thought of him and wondered who are we for each other, “Does he like me if he was showing me with all those sweet gestures?” 

The following week, on Sunday, he invited me to attend the mass in Divine Mercy Church in Bulacan and introduced me to his parents. They even adjusted and chose the evening mass so that I can join them because I’ll be coming from a duty in the hospital. His parents are the kindest. 

We are getting serious with each other not acknowledging the fact that at that time, I was about to leave for London in less than a month to work. If only I could stay and be with him from that day forward, I will. He is my greatest dream. 

As of the moment, we may be physically apart but my whole heart belongs to him. I can’t wait for the day that we will be together and when that time comes, we will never be apart anymore. We will survive this thing called LDR. The qualities of him that made our relationship light and easy to handle are his kindness and cheerfulness. He’s also very gentleman. I feel safe and at home when I’m with him. Whenever I feel sad here in London, aside from making me laugh (btw he’s also funny), he tells me to always pray and attend mass.

2016 is my best year so far because it was when I met the love of my life. And I’m looking forward for great things that’s in stored for him and me this 2017. I remember last year, the beginning of 2016 wasn’t good to me, I was hospitalized and had undergone a surgery. The beginning of 2017 had not been good to me again, but hey I still have 11 more months to go. I have a whole year ahead of me for many more great things to come. 2017, you have a lot to live up to!

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Suddenly the World Seems Lighter

Hello! Sorry for taking few months off from blogging. My last post was on July, it’s the second week of December and it was like 4 months of being unable to express my inner self. I had mentioned in my previous posts that I had applied for work in the United Kingdom. Since the beginning of this year, I had been busy taking exams and fixing numbers of documents while working in the hospital so I set aside blogging for a while. And yes, I am now here in London, England trying my luck as a nurse. I arrived on the 27th of October. 

A month before leaving the Philippines, something came up. Okay, long story short. I have a blogger friend who was trying to set me up for his brother since last year but because our schedules don’t match and I became really busy at the beginning of 2016 because of this application and work, the meeting didn’t push through. And when the feedback regarding my application arrived on September and I was already sure to be leaving a month after, I told my friend that I am now free and can go out to meet his brother. I went to Shangri-La mall with really no expectations but to watch a movie with a friend and his brother. I was thinking, “I have no expectations, if this turns out unsuccessful, no reason to be sad about because still, a great opportunity is waiting for me in UK.” (Insert grin smile here)

Our first meeting… 📷 c/o of my friend RC

Then that meeting was followed by us going out twice or thrice a week after. With only a week left before my departure for London, in my heart there’s a little voice wishing if I could stay in the country for few more days, weeks or months to spend time with this guy. But I can’t. Employment contracts had been signed, plane tickets had been booked, resignation letter to the present employer had been passed and bids of goodbye and farewell had already been said to loved ones and friends. It’s odd how ironic life can be.

I did not plan to be in a long distance relationship but it’s what the situation requires and I’m willing to take a risk. Four days before I left, we officially became a couple. With more than 6,000 miles distance, on the other side of the world with a different time zone, it’s not about believing in an LDR (long distance relationship) or not. This is a relationship that needs effort on. 

A big change is that I should get used to the fact that I will need to share the stories of my everyday life with another person, the happy and the sad, and when unpleasant things happen, suddenly, the world seems lighter because of him. 😊

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Rejection is Redirection


What is your biggest rejection so far and what did you learn from it? Here’s my story.

In 2014, when I was still an employee in a BPO (business process outsourcing) company, I was going through the quarter life crisis. At that time, I was no longer feeling fulfilled in my job and longed for a change. I wanted a job that I can settle for, and perhaps stay until I retire. The reason why I was actively looking online for job openings.  I ended up applying in a multinational bank for a sales post since I have a sales experience in a bancassurance industry back in 2010. It was a prestigious bank. I thought it will be great to be part of that institution and not really because I like the job. Yeah, doing things for all the wrong reasons. One of the mistakes that we make at one point in our lives. Sales post is a tough job, I had been there, I had done that, I know how mentally demanding the job is, but I still went for it. And so, I already had two interviews from the HR and from the head of one department, but I was told that a different department head will conduct another interview. I will describe the manager who conducted the interview. He’s a man, maybe around 40 years of age, looked intimidating, looked accomplished in his career, well spoken both in English and Filipino, wears a barong and black slacks, very professional looking.

It was the usual interview, “Tell me something about yourself, what was your previous sales experience, where do you see yourself 5 years from now, and the like.” At first, it went well. The turning point in the interview is when I was asked, “What is your passion?” I was taken aback, this is one of the hardest questions to answer because it’s telling about your vulnerability, that the other end might now understand what you really want to do in life. It’s very personal and it’s hard not to tell the truth. I stutter, because I know that the words and my answer to the question do not align in the job that I was applying for. I think he saw it in my eyes that it wasn’t really my passion to do sales. He saw and felt in my appearance, the way I speak and through my body language that I wasn’t fit for the job. I looked naïve, I was 24, and still figuring out how to live. All of us had been in that stage. And then I was told the most heartbreaking words and feedback in my life. The manager said, “You know what, I’m not gonna hire you, with your personality, you are not for sales. I see you as a goldfish, and the others in the production area are sharks, they’ll gonna eat you.” Deep inside, I was hurt, and I just sit silently listening to his remarks, nodding. I got his point, sales really isn’t something I am passionate to do, only applying for the prestige of the job and the company. At that moment, I wish I could vanish, I wish for the soil to just eat me, my morale was at my lowest and if there is anyone who will ask me, “Are you okay?”, I will definitely burst into tears. I was so sad that I had failed and that I was rejected right in front of my face.

But little did I know that rejection is a saving grace. I was being redirected by life into something else. A few months after arriving from a few days trip to Australia, I had an idea to go back to my real profession as a nurse in the college where I graduated and the hospital that I had my training 2 years before. And right there and then, I was accepted. I believe, if it’s meant to be, it will happen, sometimes, effortlessly. Then I realized, now I understand why I was not accepted in the sales post because it was not for me. I do not want to go through the stress and the demand of the job, the sales quota each month, the burden of generating sales for the company. I realized that my almost 2 years experience each in the bancassurance and BPO industry is part of my journey to where I am now. I am now turning 2 years as a nurse, and I must say, because of this, my life is now following a direction, no idea of the destination but it’s one thing leading to another.

I had experienced few more rejections after this, at work, in relationships, in applying for jobs but I always remember the lessons I learned from this experience. I was rejected because I am being redirected for something or someone else. Here is my message to everyone who would be able to read this post and is going through the same situation. Do not be discouraged. Do not give up. You have to actively look for your passion. Listen to your heart because most of the time it is true. If you’re not yet happy or satisfied with what you’re doing, just keep looking. You may not see the destination or the end point now, but step by step, it will be revealed to you. Trust in His will. Everything happens for a reason.

Quotes about rejection

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Lessons from the book “The Four Agreements”



How did I find out about this book? It was several years ago when read an article from Cosmopolitan Philippines magazine written by a woman who was going through a heartbreak at one point in her life. The way she narrated everything and how this book has helped her move forward was so touching. The Four Agreements is an inspiring book written by the Mexican author Don Miguel Ruiz. According to Ruiz, these agreements are essential  in living a life of no regrets and less hurt.

Here are the Four Agreements and its implications in my life.

1. BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

-This is very powerful to me in a way that I was reminded to use my ability to communicate into something that only promotes love and truth. I admit, it is so tempting  to speak against someone who has hurt or done us wrong but remembering this agreement put us in a peaceful place in our lives by not engaging into any negativity as it will do no good in us.

2. DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say or do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

– At least one day in our lives, we encountered a person who got angry at us, even if the reason is so pointless. I realized that behavior was demonstrated not because of me, but maybe because that person has her own issues and is going through something. But it doesn’t mean that I should be complacent. In my job where we work with the doctors, sometimes, they get angry because of work not being done competently. On my part, I should also make an effort not to be a stimulus for someone to get mad, however, if it happened, it shouldn’t take it personally.

Where else can I apply this agreement? In life, people come and go. We may have a lot of friends before, but as we move to our life’s journey, it seems like the communication with them is lessened and we hate to admit it, it seems like we are drifting apart. With this situation, we shouldn’t feel sad. We just have to accept that we are on a different stages of our lives right now, your best friend may have a family already and you are still figuring out things yourself. Let us just be happy that we met these people and had painted colors in our lives.

3. DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

-We are all guilty of this. How many times did we assume or worry of something that is not yet happening? Assuming for the best and worst to come has its own consequences. I finally decided to just be a realist. Being real, in the moment, present, eye-opened with what’s there and not. I’m not saying that I do not assume anymore, but as much as I can, I try to avoid it.

4. ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST. Your best is going to change from moment to moment, it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret.

-For a life of no regrets and in everything we do, we should always do our best. The outcome: whether we win or lose, if it’s success or failure, it won’t matter anymore for as long as we did our best. I still feel dignified in times of failure when I know in my heart I did my best for that endeavor. It if wasn’t enough, let us strive to get better the next time.

*** I read this book three years ago when I was still in my previous job. It’s highly recommended that we go back to the lessons from the book that changed our lives because sometimes we get so caught up with everything that’s been happening in our lives. I admit that for the last 2 years, I forgot these lessons and seeing the book in my room reminded me of the wisdom that was introduced to me and that I should apply in my life.

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This Year’s Holy Week


This year’s celebration of Holy Week has only been the same as with the previous years. Nothing’s really special happened. Due to my crazy work schedule, I have no time to go home in Nueva Ecija or do an out of town travel alone, with friends or family and take a time off to reflect on being a Catholic. I only went to work (which I surprisingly enjoy lately), reviewed for my upcoming CBT nursing exam during free time and did the things I love like reading and writing.

Holy week is an important reminder for us Catholics to strengthen our faith. As this time of the year, we remember how Jesus was crucified and died on the cross to save us from all our sins. I may not be able to do Visita Iglesia just like other Filipinos, but I very well know in my heart that I believe in Jesus and to God. I understand that there are other people who don’t believe in a Higher Being. Regardless of religion, let us find something to believe in. I choose to believe and have faith. Because believing gives me HOPE. That I am where I am right now because of a purpose. That I was given this life to live because He has a plan for my life. And that gives me a different perspective of everything that I have gone through.

Two weeks ago, when I had to leave the church at the middle of the mass to go to work. This whole month of March has been a very busy one for me. With everything that I was dedicating my time on, I felt I neglected my time with Him. And so when I left at the middle of the mass to go to work, deep in my heart, I felt I needed more time with Him, to talk to Him, to tell Him how crazy things have been happening lately and just thank Him for all the great things coming.

This Easter Sunday is the time when Jesus has arisen. He died and became alive again. There might have been times in the past that we felt shattered for different reasons, but we should never give up. In my everyday randomness, I decide to believe that there’s a Higher Being who only has great things in store for His people. And that for me is what Holy Week means, keeping up with the FAITH.

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